im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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