I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
