looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
