I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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