i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
