Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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