Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
