This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let's get the cat blown out
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
