Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
