Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
