Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
