i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
