too bad you live with your parents still
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize