Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish you could order shots online.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
