i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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