I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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