yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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