So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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