She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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