you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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