Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
