I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
