If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
