Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
