I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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