You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
