Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
