So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
