It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
