But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
