maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it because I queefed?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
