Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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