Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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