life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you win again, gameday.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
