you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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