I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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