she was so not down for the gang bang
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
