I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
