Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
