i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
