I didn't shave. On purpose
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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