Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
