Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
