If i come over, it means nothing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
