Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
