New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
