I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
