question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize