I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
