These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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