i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
