my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize