We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
nutella sex= disaster
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize