No stitches, just platelets and will power
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
