you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
