THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
