I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If its not for food we ain't going out.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
