How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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