Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
