he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
