I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
