we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
