Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
