did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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