he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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