I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
