I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
