you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
