My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
