This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
