I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
